So, let’s say there’s a country, nowhere near the U.S.A., that’s a democratic republic. (A democratic republic is where many people can vote for their leaders, few do, and most think they live in a real democracy.) In 2000, President Fossil Feather and Vice President Smirky Snarls got into office. In 2004, they renewed their contracts with the people and retained their offices for another four years.
Actually, it is likely that Feather & Snarls didn’t win the election in 2000, and possible that they didn’t win in 2004, but they had a lot of friends in the government who lied them into office. And they did get enough votes to look like contenders.
So these two hooligans turned out to have lied about what they would do if they got into office, lied to get their nation into war and keep it there, and basically said "fuck you" to any law or civility that stood in the way of their doing what they wanted to do.
You are giving a lecture to the people of this country, about what they might learn from their experience with Feather & Snarls. What do you tell them? (Note: you may use events in the last few years that occurred in the U.S.A. to flesh out your answer.)
ANS: The good answer includes the following:
(1) You’re responsible. Enough of you voted for them and voted again for them to give them the legitimacy they needed to steal the election. And, if you didn’t vote for them, you know people who did, and you didn’t chain them to radiators and shred instead of mail absentee ballots so their silly votes could not count.
(2) The way candidates treat you and each other during the campaign is the same way they’ll treat you after they’re in office. You voted for people who lied to you about what they would do. They also lied to you about who their opponents were. They also told you ridiculous things about what their opponents would do if elected. You voted for lying, slimy hooligans. That they were people whose morals paled in comparison to Voldemort’s* was obvious to your pet gerbils, so it had to have been blatantly obvious to you. Did you really expect them to treat you differently once they had the keys to the country?
(3) Turning a blind eye to, or making excuses for dishonesty and greed in your "elected" officials doesn’t make it go away. It’s your job to clean up the mess you made. Just as ignoring a slithering, drooling killbeast once it’s entered your home won’t stop it from eating your children. Especially true if you’re the idiot who left the door open.
(4) If you vote from fear and greed, you get what you deserve. You also dishonor those whose blood was shed to buy and keep your freedom. If you vote with courage and concern for others as well as yourself, and use your common sense to wade through all the crap that’s thrown during the campaign, you’re more likely to make better decisions.
(5) Anybody can make a mistake. Don’t do it again.
_______________________________________
* The difference between Tom Riddle in Harry Potter and the deeds of a real prez and veep like Feather and Snarls is as follows: Riddle killed nice people who were make-believe folk from the mind of a lovely lady in England. The real Feather and Snarls have sent thousands of real people to fight and die in a real, and unnecessary, war with real weapons that really kill. Really. Wishing it away doesn’t bring them back. Their mamas didn't carry them into the world just to become the moral of a story.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Benedict XVI Acts Like Ape, Confirms Primacy of Papacy
Well, at least confirms that the Pope’s a primate.
I’m glad that people are disappointed about Benedict’s approval this week of a document stating that the Roman Catholic church is the only true church. All other churches are wounded or phonies, according to The Pope (aka Joseph the Zinger of Rats, aka Joe). I think the disappointment indicates the optimism, hopefulness, and good faith effort these people possess in trying to get the very divided Christian communities more united. Joe talks a good line about ecumenism, so when he shows the dark side of the force it bothers folks.
Those folks, of course, are also naïve. Joe wants unity, but on his terms. What else would you expect from the CEO/Chairman of the Board of a huge corporation? It’s his job to protect and strengthen the business.
And, as one of the 32 or however many flavors of Christianity there are, come on, it’s one of the most human-based and –biased there is. In the face of today’s science and culture, what part of Christianity puts women in second place, gays on the road to hell, and the opinions of one chief honcho at or above those of Jesus? There are at least two: Mormons and Roman Catholics. I don’t mean to leave out most or all of the actual values and practices of the rest of Christianity, but the answer to this one question highlights how much more all established Christian denominations have in common with each other than they do with their God. It’s glaringly clear, for example, how Joe and his lieutenants are so much like the Pharisees that the Gospels denounce. But that’s another blog entry.
To stick with Joe’s recent silliness, consider that the only authentic church he accepts is one in which apostolic succession can be shown, that is, a direct line of succession of bishops from the beginning to the present. Without that, the ordination of priests is invalid. Of course, there is no historical proof for Joe’s gang or anyone else’s—the line breaks down after a couple hundred years. And that rule is manmade, not Biblical. And Joe’s also forgotten that his corporation charter speaks of the priesthood of all believers. Joe’s a pretty arrogant little god substitute to think that God can only work through him, and that he can nullify what God has ordained.
Got to say, this is beginning to sound like the blog entry on Mr. Falwell. I’ll stop before repeating myself. Just remember, my brothers and sisters, what we’re told in the Old Testament (yes, that’s right, we can even unite with the Jews in living the way God wants us to live—oh my, what’s next—love Muslims? Mon dieu!): do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God. Joe, let me take you out for a latte.
I’m glad that people are disappointed about Benedict’s approval this week of a document stating that the Roman Catholic church is the only true church. All other churches are wounded or phonies, according to The Pope (aka Joseph the Zinger of Rats, aka Joe). I think the disappointment indicates the optimism, hopefulness, and good faith effort these people possess in trying to get the very divided Christian communities more united. Joe talks a good line about ecumenism, so when he shows the dark side of the force it bothers folks.
Those folks, of course, are also naïve. Joe wants unity, but on his terms. What else would you expect from the CEO/Chairman of the Board of a huge corporation? It’s his job to protect and strengthen the business.
And, as one of the 32 or however many flavors of Christianity there are, come on, it’s one of the most human-based and –biased there is. In the face of today’s science and culture, what part of Christianity puts women in second place, gays on the road to hell, and the opinions of one chief honcho at or above those of Jesus? There are at least two: Mormons and Roman Catholics. I don’t mean to leave out most or all of the actual values and practices of the rest of Christianity, but the answer to this one question highlights how much more all established Christian denominations have in common with each other than they do with their God. It’s glaringly clear, for example, how Joe and his lieutenants are so much like the Pharisees that the Gospels denounce. But that’s another blog entry.
To stick with Joe’s recent silliness, consider that the only authentic church he accepts is one in which apostolic succession can be shown, that is, a direct line of succession of bishops from the beginning to the present. Without that, the ordination of priests is invalid. Of course, there is no historical proof for Joe’s gang or anyone else’s—the line breaks down after a couple hundred years. And that rule is manmade, not Biblical. And Joe’s also forgotten that his corporation charter speaks of the priesthood of all believers. Joe’s a pretty arrogant little god substitute to think that God can only work through him, and that he can nullify what God has ordained.
Got to say, this is beginning to sound like the blog entry on Mr. Falwell. I’ll stop before repeating myself. Just remember, my brothers and sisters, what we’re told in the Old Testament (yes, that’s right, we can even unite with the Jews in living the way God wants us to live—oh my, what’s next—love Muslims? Mon dieu!): do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God. Joe, let me take you out for a latte.
Monday, July 9, 2007
D.C. Craigslist Ad: Stone Mason Needed
Wanted: Experienced stone mason to repair frieze around important Government building with high visibility, especially among nations around the world. Funding from the Scooter Libby Self-Charitable Trust. Replace obsolete phrase, "Equal Justice Under Law," with update, "It's Who You Know". Successful applicant must be handy with explosives, to blast old phrase to bits, beyond hope of repair. Send resume to: G. Bush, New Manager, Supreme Court Building.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
God, the New York Times, and Mr. Falwell
Our man Heinrich meinen Schweinhundt has been nosing around the remains left behind when the staff of the New York Times recently moved from its ancient Time Square offices closer to the bus terminal (closer to dispatch reporters, or easier to escape town?). Heiny, not partcularly a fan of the recently departed Jerry Falwell, has presented us with what he suggests are edited-out texts from Mr. Falwell’s NYT obituary. We seriously doubt their authenticity, but they do cause pause for reflection:
" The Biography Channel’s show on Mr. Falwell reported that he held no earned doctorate. Curious, then, that through the show, many of his colleagues and minions seemed to refer to him as ‘Doctor Falwell’—did he prefer this? Did it help legitimize his message? Or increase his organization’s ability to raise money? The Biography show indicated he held three honorary doctorates from small Bible schools with no generally accepted legitimate accreditation".
"Anglican Bishop Shelby Spong wrote that Mr. Falwell always refused to debate any real theologian. Perhaps this was because of Mr. Falwell’s lack of serious theological training, or more likely his recognition that his hate-filled theology of blame, as it has been publicly identified in recent days, seems to resemble a modified version of Mr. A. Hitler’s propaganda tactics as much as it reflects a literal interpretation of selected Biblical passages".
"The Biography Channel’s show on Mr. Falwell’s life also reported that while an undergraduate at a Bible school, Mr. Falwell found himself coveting his neighbor’s fiancee. Actually, she was his roommate’s fiancee. When the roommate wrote love letters to his fiancee, Mr. Falwell told his roommate that he would mail them. Instead, Mr. Falwell threw out the letters and wrote his own to the woman. The engagement was broken, and Mr. Falwell and his roommate’s ex-fiancee were later married. When later in his life he was asked about this behavior that seems to break several commandments, Mr. Falwell responded, 'All’s fair in love and war' ".
"One wonders whether the foresighted Jesus of Nazareth ascended into heaven to keep from being questioned by the police and moral authorities concerning the activities of his representative Mr. Falwell".
Now, that last one really strains credulity, though it is kind of cute. What was Jerry’s moral compass? Did he see his ministry as war, so every tactic was fair? Did George Bush visit him? If so, did our president think of him as he did of the Pope, as a man of great intelligence and great love? Christian evangelism is much more about showing how one lives in a faith, rather than selling an idea. What did Jerry show?
With a figure as consistently and forcefully proclaiming extreme and unyielding beliefs, it has been easy to find the human holes in Mr. Falwell’s heavenly armor. We see God’s message differently, and we are sure there are holes in our armor. For sure, we must be guilty of the sin that Mr. Nazareth mentioned, the one about being able to find the splinter in our neighbor’s eye while being blind to the log in our own.
We trust that God performed much good through Mr. Falwell. We hope that Mr. Falwell’s belief in a hereafter is correct, and that when he wakes from his rest he finds unexceeded joy and love in the bosom of his God, and forgiveness of everything he got wrong here on earth. We wish this for him, for us, and for you.
" The Biography Channel’s show on Mr. Falwell reported that he held no earned doctorate. Curious, then, that through the show, many of his colleagues and minions seemed to refer to him as ‘Doctor Falwell’—did he prefer this? Did it help legitimize his message? Or increase his organization’s ability to raise money? The Biography show indicated he held three honorary doctorates from small Bible schools with no generally accepted legitimate accreditation".
"Anglican Bishop Shelby Spong wrote that Mr. Falwell always refused to debate any real theologian. Perhaps this was because of Mr. Falwell’s lack of serious theological training, or more likely his recognition that his hate-filled theology of blame, as it has been publicly identified in recent days, seems to resemble a modified version of Mr. A. Hitler’s propaganda tactics as much as it reflects a literal interpretation of selected Biblical passages".
"The Biography Channel’s show on Mr. Falwell’s life also reported that while an undergraduate at a Bible school, Mr. Falwell found himself coveting his neighbor’s fiancee. Actually, she was his roommate’s fiancee. When the roommate wrote love letters to his fiancee, Mr. Falwell told his roommate that he would mail them. Instead, Mr. Falwell threw out the letters and wrote his own to the woman. The engagement was broken, and Mr. Falwell and his roommate’s ex-fiancee were later married. When later in his life he was asked about this behavior that seems to break several commandments, Mr. Falwell responded, 'All’s fair in love and war' ".
"One wonders whether the foresighted Jesus of Nazareth ascended into heaven to keep from being questioned by the police and moral authorities concerning the activities of his representative Mr. Falwell".
Now, that last one really strains credulity, though it is kind of cute. What was Jerry’s moral compass? Did he see his ministry as war, so every tactic was fair? Did George Bush visit him? If so, did our president think of him as he did of the Pope, as a man of great intelligence and great love? Christian evangelism is much more about showing how one lives in a faith, rather than selling an idea. What did Jerry show?
With a figure as consistently and forcefully proclaiming extreme and unyielding beliefs, it has been easy to find the human holes in Mr. Falwell’s heavenly armor. We see God’s message differently, and we are sure there are holes in our armor. For sure, we must be guilty of the sin that Mr. Nazareth mentioned, the one about being able to find the splinter in our neighbor’s eye while being blind to the log in our own.
We trust that God performed much good through Mr. Falwell. We hope that Mr. Falwell’s belief in a hereafter is correct, and that when he wakes from his rest he finds unexceeded joy and love in the bosom of his God, and forgiveness of everything he got wrong here on earth. We wish this for him, for us, and for you.
Breaking News: Republicans Explain Why We Should Vote for Democrats
In a press conference today, Republican U.S. Congressional leaders explained why Americans should vote some more of them out at the next election, giving Democrats a larger majority in both houses of Congress.
For the past six years, Republicans were in charge of Congress and the White House. During that time, Congress did pretty much what the President wanted, and failed to do their duty and mainstain oversight on an Administration that has plunged the U.S. into huge debt, has killed over 3,500 military men and women so far in a war the President’s daddy was smart enough to avoid, has soiled U.S. reputation and prestige around the world as completely as a baby soils a diaper unchanged for a week, has set the stage to ravage the environment mercilessly, and has lied as easily as it has breathed. The facts, as well as media pundits and the Republicans themselves, show clearly that the minority Democrats were helpless and useless to stop the Republican wrongdoing.
Enough Americans got sick of this Republican garbage that they voted Democrats into a slight majority in both Congressional houses last year. This morning, the minority Republicans proudly announced that they had foiled the Democrats’ attempt to hide spending for special projects that most Americans would find wasteful. The Republican leaders sounded like their old selves again, fighting wasteful spending and protecting American taxpayers against tax-and-spend Democrats.
When the Republicans were in charge of Congress, even the few Republicans who wanted to save money couldn’t. Republicans do a much better job of saving our money when they’re in the minority. They’ll do an even better job when a Democrat moves into the White House.
For the past six years, Republicans were in charge of Congress and the White House. During that time, Congress did pretty much what the President wanted, and failed to do their duty and mainstain oversight on an Administration that has plunged the U.S. into huge debt, has killed over 3,500 military men and women so far in a war the President’s daddy was smart enough to avoid, has soiled U.S. reputation and prestige around the world as completely as a baby soils a diaper unchanged for a week, has set the stage to ravage the environment mercilessly, and has lied as easily as it has breathed. The facts, as well as media pundits and the Republicans themselves, show clearly that the minority Democrats were helpless and useless to stop the Republican wrongdoing.
Enough Americans got sick of this Republican garbage that they voted Democrats into a slight majority in both Congressional houses last year. This morning, the minority Republicans proudly announced that they had foiled the Democrats’ attempt to hide spending for special projects that most Americans would find wasteful. The Republican leaders sounded like their old selves again, fighting wasteful spending and protecting American taxpayers against tax-and-spend Democrats.
When the Republicans were in charge of Congress, even the few Republicans who wanted to save money couldn’t. Republicans do a much better job of saving our money when they’re in the minority. They’ll do an even better job when a Democrat moves into the White House.
Monday, June 11, 2007
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